Neither Here Nor There

For all my rosy-eyed glimpses of the Middle East, for all my wonderfully unique experiences—I realise they are sanitised. I view these countries through four & five star hotel picture windows. I’m driven by private chauffeur to exotic malls, to exotic places, to view this or that wonder, usually ‘done up’ for tourists Euros.

I try to get below the surface. I've ‘palled about' with an Abayah clad woman and her children; shopped the local market for spices, fruits and pulses, donned a Hijab so as not to offend. But most of the time, I am me, clad as I am in the Netherlands, presenting myself to the world as I am: Take it or Leave it. Two strange things often happen.

I am not considered ‘white enough’—unless strolling about with my genetically Swedish husband and his blonde-haired, blue-eyed aura. So, the ‘Expat Class’ views me, treats me, as the Other. And the Other doesn’t know what I am. I am not them, this is clear. And so, I am again eyed with, treated with, suspicion.

This “in-betweeness” is the story of my life. I love this neither here nor there, neither this nor that status. It allows me to float between cultural lines dug deeply into shifting sands. But often, it is troubling. There is no one inner place to call home. No outer place either. No one passport really fits me, though I have had four in this lifetime.

I love this very condition, sometimes. I do not feel bonded—beholden—to one particular country, one particular place. I wish there were a ‘World Passport’ which mandated multiple cultural experiences and stays. The label ‘third culture’ isn’t sufficient these days, though it’s a good try. Maybe ‘pluri-cultural’ is a better term as my doctoral advisor once suggested.

If you want to read my dissertation research on this topic, have a look at Dissertation Abstracts International (ISSN 0419-4209), Humanities & Social Sciences, Vol 57 (9-A), Mar, 1997, pp. 3811. I am told there is a ‘persistent link’ to this record at http://search.epnet.com/direct.asp?an=1997-95005-095&db=psyh

Good hunting! LankaBlue²